When God created Adam and Eve, He said: I only have two gifts: One is the art of peeing standing ... And then Adam stepped forward and shouted: ME!, ME!, ME!, I would love it please ... Lord, please, please! Look, it will make my life substantially easier. Eve nodded, and said those things did not matter to her. Then God gave Adam the gift and he began to shout for joy. He ran through the garden of Eden and used it to wet all the trees and bushes, ran down the beach making drawings with his pee in the sand ... Well, he would not stop showing off.
God and Eve watched the man crazy with happiness and Eve asked God: What is the other gift? ' God answered:
He spent the first day following his divorce packing his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things. On the third day, he sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of prawns, a jar of caviare, and a bottle of spring-water. When he had finished, he went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten prawn shells dipped in caviare into the hollow of the curtain rods. He then cleaned up the kitchen and left.
When his ex-wife returned with her new partner, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rats and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off rat poison gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked !! People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinking house. Word got out and eventually even the local estate agents refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-husband called and asked her how things were going. She told him the saga of the rotting house. He listened politely and said that he missed his old home terribly and asked if they would be willing to reduce their divorce settlement in exchange for him getting the house. Knowing he had no idea how bad the smell was, they agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if he were to sign the papers that very day. He agreed and within the hour his solicitors delivered the paperwork.
A week later the ex-wife and her partner stood smiling as they watched the house removals company pack everything to take to their new home.
And just to spite her ex-husband, they even took the curtain rods !!! I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?